‘Chu Know About That?: So Fresh and So Clean

“If you don’t know, you betta ask somebody… BABY!!”

As I grow older there are certain things that I’m actually starting to understand, or even more frightening, they are starting to make sense to me. Of course these are the harmless but tacky parts of our culture that i’m sure only we (you know which ‘we’) do, but still I should probably let them fall by the wayside. Though just to make sure none of these would ever come to pass, I started checking with my girl to see what she thought of them. Also to make sure she knew about them, cus some times you think something is Black famous and then you find out somebody’s card is in jeopardy. [Hold up... JUST to break it down. Black famous is best summed up in that reaction you get when you mention someone like (i don't know) Gerald Levert to members of the 'ethnic majority' versus the reaction you'd get asking us if we knew who he was.] The following things have been deemed Black famous:

Plastic Couch Covers

I’m not sure when this began. However at some point, we (people) decided we needed to preserve our furniture for … hell, i don’t know. Now that i think about it, it’s not like we took the covers off when there was a party … or ever. Nor did we only put it on for guests, so really for whom were we saving these seats. My girl said “You know, i always wondered about the plastic. I mean, what are you doing to these couches that you need to protect them like that? It’s like you’re saying you’re that nasty.”

Cushy Bathroom Toilet Seat

Honestly, I always knew just how old the residents where when i saw this seat. And/or how ghetto, Nobody under 35 has one of those in their house. BUT i’m not gone lie… that cushy toilet seat was never cold. The whole rest of the house could be cooler than Freddy Jackson sippin’ a milkshake in a snowstorm (c~Outkast) but that seat was still warm (and soft). Granted maybe it denotes that somebody was spending far too much time poppin’ a squat, but hey, at least they were comfortable. However, why is it that that seat never matched anything. And i don’t just mean in the bathroom, i mean anything… ever.

Plastic Walkway

Had to come back to this one, mainly cus there may be people that don’t have the plastic on the couch thinking they high-sadiddy, but d*mn sure have that walk way covering some piece of carpet that no feet will ever touch again. Why? Maybe folks just walk there that much. Maybe nobody takes their shoes off. Which i find hard to believe knowing that when we have some new carpet can’t nobody walk on it. How they’re supposed to get to where they need to go… walk along the edges, take big steps, or… stay on the plastic trail.

Manual Blackout

Now this one right here used to piss me off. It could be the lightest rain ever. Or at best thundering way off in the distance. The TV, the lights, the radio, the fan, the VCR (am i missing something) all had to be off (and depending on how close the storm was unplugged). Did it plug in… turn it off. Was it expensive… turn it off? Could lightening unbelievably jump through the closed window and make it explode without catching anything else on fire… turn it off. You know who the only person who doesn’t do it in my family is… my mom. Sure enough she lost a laptop when lightening struck the outside of the particular outlet it was plugged into and shorted it out. Chances?!

The Museum Room

So beautiful. One could go so far as to claim it pristine, if you will. Scratch that; it is pristine. Know why? Cus NOBODY EVER USES THIS ROOM FOR ANYTHING!!! It’s there to be looked at by guests. And even they don’t use the room. I mean sure if Obama was coming to dinner MAYBE, just MAYBE you may actually see what this room looks like from the inside. That’s right, you can’t even walk in this room. You d*mn near got yelled at for even thinking about that room. Breathing all that room’s good air. Best gone somewhere with that!

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I bring these gems of our culture up because I know as we rise and educate and advance ourselves, they will fall by the wayside. I know i will use every room i ever have. JUST cus i can. Hahaha! But that doesn’t mean I might not pull one of these just so my kids can know of these experiences first hand. Of course I mean my eventual kids… yeah, there are a few things i will put them through just so they have the experience. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

I say this as if some of you might do the same. I would hope most of you are familiar with one or more of these few strands in the dashiki that is 'our' culture. In fact, you know you have at least one relative for each of these things. Don’t lie. You may have plastic on yo couch right now! Hell, I turn out the lights anytime a lightening strikes uncomfortably close to my place. And I won’t be mad if i catch my kids doing it one day too. One less laptop to replace.

P.S.> Yes, the pic is an example of the opposite end of the spectrum.